I went to the GI doctor today which was somewhat helpful but also made me emotional. I explained how I am still having a ton of stomach symptoms and how I have reacted poorly to chicken the last two times I tried it. He wants to scope me which I am terrified of but it seems at this point that I do not have a choice because he won't treat me otherwise. His ideas are that it is eosinophilic esophagitis, reflux, bile salt reflux, or possibly h. pylori. He is pretty sure it is EoE though and from what I researched, really limits what types of food i can eat. Right now I am only eating gluten free fish sticks, fish, pureed bananas, blueberries, peas, rice, and potatoes. I already feel so deprived and still symptomatic.
I never realized how much I loved food until I can't have it. Thanksgiving was depressing as I was the only person deprived of turkey, stuffing, gravy, etc... I just want things to go back to normal before I had this reaction a month ago. I feel like this is a bad dream I can't wake up from. I really hope my kids will never have to go through this. It sucks being diagnosed with such rare illness with little treatment.
I don't know what to do about work either. I have such a great opportunity but I feel too much like shit everyday to go. My blood pressure is raised and my heart rate is really high. I just am losing hope. I don't know how to tell my supervisor that I don't think I can come back for months and I don't even know if she'd take me by then. I am just super duper bummed. I never pictured this is how my life would be at 30 but I do have a lot to be thankful for. I have an adorable little girl who makes my world go round along with a supportive husband, mom, and dad. I really don't know what I would do without them.
I just feel like an emotional wreck lately. I need to find the strength to get better.
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